How to Value Your Self-worth After a Nasty Break-up

this post answers the following questions
1. Is it right to put the blame to yourself on break ups?
2. What is the first step in the road of recovery after break ups?
3. How talking to your friends or family can help you recover?
4. How compatibility leads to a break up?
5. How can distracting yourself can help you recover?

Most break-ups tend to rock the worlds of both people.  Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, something still gets lost when the relationship turns sour, especially if the break-up was a nasty one.  You question your self-esteem or your self-worth, asking others what was it in you that your ex didn’t like.  Though there may be some of your traits or habits that your ex found too much to bear, it’s not right to put the blame on yourself.  It’s okay to mope around for a few days or longer, but when you can’t shake the feeling off, then it might be time to look for help if you want to move on.  The first step in the road to recovery is to recover that badly bruised ego of yours.  Here are just a few steps that some people have found helpful in the road to recovery.

Step 1:  Surround yourself with family and friends.

Remember that you just don’t go through this alone.  Instead of locking yourself up in your apartment or room, talk to your friends or family.  You don’t have to be alone with your heartache; you can go out and spend time with friends and family.  True friends can always be there for you when you need them, and they are the real sources for any kind of validation (or argument) that you want about yourself, about that person who broke up with you, and why you’re better off without him or her.

Step 2:  Realize that it’s not just you who made a mistake.

Stop putting the blame on yourself when a relationship goes bad.  Though your ex may have broken up with you because of some traits or habits of yours that he or she couldn’t accept, it just means that they’re also not up to dealing with you.  It’s all just a question of compatibility.  If one can just get up and leave, then he or she just wasn’t the right one for you.

Step 3:  Distract yourself with work or a hobby.

Finally, nothing beats the blues than breaking a sweat over something.  Distract yourself with work, school, or some other endeavor. If you focus your energies on one object hard enough to excel on it, not only will you be lauded for your efforts, but you’ll  also get the satisfaction of being good at something without that ex of yours.

By following these simple steps, the road to recovery will become more bearable.  Always remember that a nasty break-up may have you crying your heart out but it’s not the end of the world.  You just have to dust yourself up and move on.

Photo Credit : llamafloor

Good in Yourself – On how to appreciate yourself and develop high self-esteem
Self-esteem and Relationships – On how self-esteem affects personal relationships
Self-worth and break-ups – On self-esteem and personal relationships
Self-esteem and employment – Seeing yourself and your worth
Good About Yourself – How you see yourself and your worth

Building Self-esteem – Ten ways to build self-esteem
Self-worth and  Behavior – All about self-worth and behavior
Self-esteem and Obesity – How sow self-esteem leads to obesity
Weight Gain – Low self-esteem contributes to weight gain
Building Self-confidence – All about how to build self-confidence.


  1. Mary Rose Navoa says:

    There’s another one!

    Find new lover!! hehehe

    Sounds funny but it actually works. They say when the door closed another will will open…

    as for me.. i always ended up a broken heart…what i do is what the author says…I am always with my family and friends..and Focus myself on my study..i just add the most effective way for me…and that’s to find new love!

    On that way you will not be in pain for a long time, and you wont be alone..

    But on some cases it’s not very smart decision too..

    Sometimes you have to make sure that you are ready for a new relationship..

    Coz if you won’t you will just ended up hurting your new lover and in that way not just you but you two will be suffering.

  2. reeyaah7209 says:

    Break-ups are very hard to deal with. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship lasted be it a month, a year or even a week, when relationships end, a girl or boy can’t easily shrug it off and move on. There’s a part of you that’s broken that only time can heal.

    It’s normal to mope around for a few days after the break up but that won’t get you anywhere. The best break-up advice I could give is for you to “look good, feel good and do good”. Not only are you healing yourself in the process, you’re ex may also see what a good catch he let go of. That’s the best revenge you can give him. Do stuff you’ve never done when you were with him. Explore places you’ve never been to. The key is to keep yourself busy. It won’t be long, till you’ll realize you’re way over him and way past the hurts.

  3. Evesdrop says:

    This should be read by people who have suicidal tendencies. Believe it or not, most suicides are brought about by heartache. But the real reason behind all these are the lost of self-worth, self-respect or self-esteem. If people generally don’t care much of what other people have to say, there sure are going to be less people feeling sorry for themselves. I should know, cause this is exactly what I felt before. Smart as I thought I was, I found out only after a year that the easiest route to getting over a broken heart is to focus on your career and spend time with your family and friends more. Still don’t believe me, look at your celebrities who’s had nasty break-ups, either they moved on to a better partner or they win an Oscar. Best example: After Gwyneth Paltrow broke up with Brad Pitt, she won an Oscar and married Coldplay’s Chris Martin. After Nicole Kidman divorced Tom Cruise, she too won an Oscar and went on to marry Keith Urban.

  4. only4jade19 says:

    Breaking up is no fun at all. It sucks really, but you just have to get over it. I mean its not yet the end of the world. It is important to see the end of a relationship is a beginning of a new chapter of your life. Their is more to life than wasting your tears crying over a stupid person who does not want you back. Just be nice to yourself. It is not you alone who experience it. Let yourself mourn the loss, and remember that you don’t have to be perfect all of the time—or any of the time. Nobody is!

  5. phraensys says:

    Well, break-ups are always painful as they say.

    On the other side of the coin, as how i have gone through it, i made sure i did everything… i begged. i asked for another chance. i called her up her phone. i still want to say that i really humbled myself down. i did my best because i know at the end of the road there will always be that possibility to ask one’s self “what if i did this or that…?”

    so when it was all over, it was not so painful for my part – because i did everything i could to save the relationship, and i was not haunted by that “what if…” question.

    That’s my experience. What works for me, may not work for the others.

  6. Breaking up really puts all your systems down. But we must look on the brighter side of breaking ups. First, it gives you an opportunity to evaluate your performance or behavior when you are in a relationship. Then it allows you to assess how you deal with your partner, what effort or actions you have given to save it. Lastly, it gives you an ample space to redeem and reconstruct yourself towards the betterment. So at least in your next relationship you will know how to handle each and every situation that may arise as you prepare yourself to all the possibilities.

  7. It’s always best to keep in mind that thinking of the break-up can only amplify its effects and your heartbreak. So avoid listening to love songs in which would remind you of the past, and surround yourself with people with a positive outlook in life. If things are still too emotional for you to handle, never be afraid to ask for someone’s help, whether a friend, a brother/sister, and even your parents could prove to be helpful when dealing with a break-up. Do not go on looking for another partner just yet, though dating is also a common past-time in such predicaments, do not rush yourself into entering another relationship. Most often than not, rebound relationships as they are so often called could prove to be more devastating and more painful, especially to your partner. And I have come to learn though, that chocolate is a a great reliever of heart-ache, so munch away on a pack or two.

  8. Break ups! Ouch! It hurts. For both parties involved they would feel the pain that break up had given them. But it doesn’t mean that its the end of the world. Always keep in mind that if you had that painful break up, it’s just that you are not meant to be and somebody out there is much better than your ex. The best thing to do is pray that you will overcome that pain you feel as of the moment. Try to keep yourself busy, talk to any member of the family close to you, talk to your friends go out with them once in a while, mingle to different kinds of people. And be open to share your feelings and thoughts. As you go along with these, sooner or later you would just realized that you overcome the pain and everything would just go normal.

  9. whimsical1207 says:

    I’m sure we’ve all had our hearts broken once or twice and at that time it was very devastating. Just last year i experienced a very nasty break up and i thought it was the end of my world. A few days after the break up I cried and cried and blamed myself. After a while I came to realize that crying is not helpful and my loved ones were also suffering because I couldn’t get over my grief. When i saw the concern from my friends and family it was only then that It hit me that there are others who love me and care for me. I started to move on by keeping myself busy. I played with my nephew during my free time or spend time reading the books that I love or I just walked my dogs. I never went idle so that I wont think about the person who broke my heart. I also began loving and appreciating myself. Basically, I did things that would keep my mind off from thinking too much of my past relationship and how happy it was. I stopped being regretful and resentful. There is more to life than sorrow and i believe that when a door closes another one opens. So Im sure that at the right time the right one will come into my life. 🙂

  10. The best breakup advice I got is to remove everything that will trigger memories of the relationship. May it be your partner’s gifts to you, your vacation photos together, your computer screensaver, your partner’s phone number or going to your favorite spot. Free yourself from all things that will connect you to him. Ask your friends and family to help you out in moving on by not bringing your ex up in any conversation when you are in the room. Give yourself ample time to absorb the hurt and all the emotions before you decide to give other people a chance to enter in your life and love you.

  11. showerlist says:

    Break ups are never easy, most especially if you’ve really committed yourself to the relationship. But the best way to go about it is to know that you’re not alone and that you have people who love you (like your family and friends) and will always care for you. Just surround yourself with positive energy and supportive people and eventually you will realise that that break up was just another event in your life that will help you grow and mature into a better kind of person.

  12. potrish78 says:

    Give yourself sufficient time to express grief. Cry your heart out until you can cry no more. Do this at your own pace. A normal reaction to a painful situation is to shut people out. It is OK to be alone for a while and feel the pain but not for a very long time. Isolation would only do harm than any good. When you can finally say that you’re ready to go through the slow process of moving on, it means that you’re ready to step into the world again. Talk to people, even to strangers, about how you feel and what this situation is doing to you. Talk about this problem over and over again even if you’d sound like a broken record. It is one way of healing your broken heart. Then go on a vacation and try to enjoy the moment. Then develop a new skill. Try to learn martial arts or boxing. In that way, you are punching all those pain away. And before you know it, you’re over him/her already.

  13. gracette says:

    i really hate breaks up. Because it just doesn’t break a heart but the mind as well, you can’t help thinking over and over until your eyes get wet with tears at night and soon enough you will realized that the sun is already shining at the window. That’s how hard it is. I really can tell because i went through it just last month. But it doesn’t matter how long or short time you will feel better or recovered about what happened. It’s the everyday hard times that keep you losing weight of not eating and sleeping. The best thing to do is always be with someone or in a group. It can be a family member or friends. This will somehow helps you lessen the moments that you will think of your ex and again, cry. Also, it is advisable that you keep yourself busy with work or hobbies. It’s like hitting two birds in one stone. Because you may be able to move on little by little and at the same time making your day productive. And by the time that you found yourself not crying anymore and being ready to see your ex’s memorabilia, you can now trash every memorabilia you want. Then say goodbye.

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